“Hobbies”

Well hello again 🙂

I will skip the usual “sorry I have neglected you blog, etc etc etc”, and go straight to what is on my mind, k? k.

Am I the only one (I’m sure I am not. . please let me not be) that is utterly useless at maintaining a hobby. I think it is sadly safe to say, that this blog is the most consistent hobby I have ever had. . I say this in the full knowledge that I often disappear from the blogesphere, and when I do return, it is usually useless shit like this that I choose to splurge out.

I have been through the various phases of hobby; guitar, drums at one very distant point, exercise (lol), cycling – although to be fair I still am really keen to get involved in. But I refuse to own any type of bike that isn’t one with a little basket and a bell, and they are pricey. . what else, hmm. . oh yes, jewellery making, that was a thing once. Basically long story short, I have spent quite a decent amount of my money (and parents money in the younger years) over my life span on various interests that sooner or later, usually sooner, gather dust in a corner. My £££’s worth of jewellery making material hasn’t seen the light of day in a good few years!

My point? Well, I have spent the past hour searching Ebay for a ukelele and I sense one of these phases on the horizon. But this time, before I go buying, I want to find out how normal people with will power take up a new hobby, and then stick to it for a respected amount of time, enough for them then to be able to say, “Yes, I used to play the guitar” . . as at the minute, other than blogging, there really isn’t anything I can say that I “used” to do.

As usual WordPress, I am looking to you for advice =]

In other news, I have taken to the bedroom for my Saturday night, and I’m about to snuggle down watching Sweeney Todd! . . Is bed a hobby? I can definitely profess that,

“Yes, I often spend my free time in bed”

The need to be aloof.

So there is someone special in my life, who has been in my life before and I have lost, until recently. In the absence of each other things have changed, obviously. We have both had other relationships, we have both changed a bit. .but the connection is still there, struggling amongst the new changes and the heavy weight of the “other people”.

Said person went away yesterday with a girl he has been friends with a long time. They will be in Thailand for almost a month and I am struggling so much with it. Don’t worry, I am totally aware of how pathetic it is to feel so lost and worried when someone *Im not even “officially” seeing* goes away. I am desperate to love myself enough that I am not insecure about that kind of thing.

I trust him, we have spoken and he gave me his word, there is no reason for me to worry. Of course I still do. .a lot! I have this whole reflective thing going on where I try and convince myself that I just need to *find myself*. . what the hell that means I don’t know. .read, write, do work, keep busy. .*love* myself. The insecurity and lack of any esteems is my major downfall here. .Im sure of that much. It also doesn’t help that he struggles showing much thoughtful emotion, for whatever reasons, it sucks, because I crave the reassurance embarrassing amounts!

Either way, I hope venting a bit in a poorly written blog post helps me out. .and maybe I will find other equally minded people, or ones who DO actually love themselves who can share with me how the hell I go about doing that! . .

It’s been 1 day by the way, he has been gone one day and I am driving myself mad with paranoid thoughts. Help.

Trust.

The idea of trust has been a recurring thing in my life recently. Trust between two people in a relationship, trust between friends, trusting in myself, or as is the case, lack of. 

I think when someone makes a mistake, and breaks a persons trust it is also often the case that you can also break your own trust in yourself. And even long after the person you hurt has forgiven you, well, you can just be stuck doubting yourself all of the time. 

 

Or is this just me? 

Yeah okay just me. 

After much research it transpires that the best way to love and trust yourself is to really “find” yourself..whatever that means. . I don’t know, the touchy feely spiritual stuff isn’t something I am well versed in. However, I am extremely willing to try. . So how does one really get to know themselves? Self reflection and time spent just for myself, reading, having a bath. . baking?

I don’t know. Suggestion Jar Is well and truly present here! 

 

I’m a gaming widow!

So I won’t be the only girl (or boy!) out there whose other half is absolutely obsessed in playing games. I have had many arguments and heated debates over the subject of incessant gaming with my boyfriend, often to no avail, “Just have to catch this one more Pokemon and then I’m done!!” is a familiar phrase since the release of the new game and I often get guilted into catching the sodding things for him as he sits eager by my side, stroking my ego with such compliments as “You can always catch the rare ones babe”, and it works, every time. It’s only afterwards, Pokemon caught, that I realise he has scuttled off to the sofa again, face illuminated with the light of his 3D screen, no intentions of finishing up soon. 

So what do we do? No point arguing, and quite often there is no way for me to join in, we can’t both sit around the DS, can we? I have given up the dream of introducing new hobbies for him to partake in, no matter how many times he brings his (unopened) book round to read with me, i now know that it will never actually happen. 

In this case we don’t see each other often, and anything I do whilst he games would really have to be done near him otherwise we would never be together at all! So what do I do? Read alone? Watch a film, alone? With the familiar “Mmm?” or “haha yeahh. . .” vaguely muttered at any question I pass over his way.. No. . I think I am in need of suggestions, I know there are more gaming widows out there..right? 

 

Help.